Posted by KPzz on 9:17 Sep 13
In Reply to: A little rant (ok not so little ) posted by Nita
and I am so sorry for the situation your boys are in. My response would be to help them avoid that boy, and to reassure them that those words and actions are unacceptable. But they also represent the real world, and as much as we'd like to change the world, the action you've already taken is about all you can do (although I'd mention it to the pastor and/or adult in charge, if you're not around all the time.) If this behavior is taking place in a children's classroom when you are not present, then the adult in charge needs to be in on it and help keep this boy away from your children. I would go so far as to stop putting them in the situation -- don't worry, they will be able to handle people like this someday (my dd started to handle some stuff pretty well around age 9, and breezes into our local junior high these days at age 12.) In the meantime, however, I encourage you and applaud you for taking what action you can.
There is a lesson here for your children, too -- "Kindness is more important than smartness." My daughter and I talk about this often. She knows she's smart (heck, I know *I'm* smart!) but we both know that it counts for nothing if we're unkind. The bad little boy in your life bothers me first, then ends up getting my pity, because look at him -- all he's got going for him is this self-important, smarter-than-you self image. He's a bully, just with brain size instead of physical size (or both, seeing that he's picking on younger, smaller children.) Sure as anything, he will someday run up against someone who is smarter and quite possibly larger than he is, and then the giant will fall. That will be very painful. Especially when it appears that his support system --parents-- are feeding into his ego, not teaching him a set of values that makes more sense.
So help your children avoid this bully. Help them understand him better -- I've found that when my dd is bothered/afraid of someone, seeing them in a pitying perspective goes a long way toward removing the fear. But disciplining another child? No, I don't think it's your place to do so. Not in this situation, after you've spoken to his parents, anyway. But speak to your minister if it is still difficult for your children. I wish you well. --KPzz