Posted by Karin on 12:42 Jan 8
In Reply to: Please help re: gifted son -- PLEASE posted by Dawn K
I'm reading an excellent book right now because someone kept recommending it to me because my dd had quite the diagnosis when she was younger, and still has a few social things to work on. I'll mention it at the end, because I was quite prejudiced against it at first (long, long story. Not because the writers aren't bright, capable people.)
One of the most important points there is that for kids who are socially awkward, there needs to be a balance between learning enough social skills to get by and learning to develop a job related skill (or hobby, but ideally job) that he can be very, very good at so that he can get a job. One of the writers has learned to handle herself in social situations, but never gets jobs through human resources--she goes right to the engineering department, shows her portfolios and then tells them she'd like to work for them.
Right now our society has gone a bit to the extreme on social IQ. Yes, it is important, but some people (actually no people) will never master every part of social rules, particularly the unwritten ones that are almost impossible for most socially cognizant people because they are learned without being taught. Also, no one book can teach it all. But people who remain somewhat socially awkward can be very successful. I have a cousin with Asperger's who is a very, very successful lawyer. All he talks about is law, but in his field that's fine. He never goes outside and throws a ball around with his sons. One of his sons also has Asperger's. The more I study human nature, the more I observe that in the majority of cases the most socially adept people are the most inept at teaching social skills the way many need them taught because they come so naturally to them. It's like this in sports--it's very rare that a star athlete becomes a great coach because they're usually naturals (who also work hard.) Book title below.
Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships by Dr. Temple Grandin and Sean Barron. What turned me off is the word autism in the subtitle, because the people who evaluated dd, including an expert in this field, all told me that dd did NOT belong on the autistic spectrum. This book is also addressed to those teaching social skills. The part called Act 3 is the best book on social skills I've read yet because it's written by two people who had to learn this by trial and error with mentors, kind of like a mid level athlete who has made it that far by lots of coaching and hard work rather than natural ability who goes on to become a great coach.